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 Fixing Rough Drafts

    At the time of writing this I am on page 202 of 250 in editing my story. I'd like to share a paragraph and how I improve it. Rough drafts are by nature clunky, repetitious and poor quality but serve the important purpose of laying the bones. Now it's time to flesh them out.  

    "Azalyske unveiled them in the desert bramble but now of withered brown, dry, dead vines. The sun entered the final leg of its daily toil, illuminating the sky in pink and orange. Not a cloud was to be seen. Long shadows began to creep across the thorny vines in eerily shifting nets. The air still burned from the midday sun."

   Several changes need to be made. "withered brown, dry, dead vines" is redundant and causes the sentence to run on. "illuminating the sky in pink and orange" is well and good but it could be better. A clever metaphor or simile would improve it. "The air still burned from the midday sun" echos the word "sun" from earlier. 

    Here's how the final draft looks: 

    "Azalyske unveiled them in the desert bramble but now of withered, brown vines. They seemed to have fulfilled whatever purpose served. The sun entered the final leg of its daily toil, illuminating the sky in peachy pinks and oranges. Not a cloud was to be seen. Long shadows began to creep across the thorny vines in eerily shifting nets. Slithering, slinking. The air still burned from midday's heat."

    The imagery is vastly improved. This flows and sounds better. Don't be discouraged by rough drafts; they're a jumping off point.   

 

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